Perfection

I once heard of this story of this girl who destroyed herself striving for perfection. She drove herself insane trying to become everyone's idol, everyone's role model. I once thought the story was unrealistic. Who tries to kill themselves just for the sake of being perfect at whatever you love. I ride horses a lot, I ride horses competitively, I ride horses to be free. But within it all, I realize that I can never be who I really want to be, the natural, all-around horse rider. In some ways I do have natural talents in the equine sport. Lots of people have complimented on my "Good seat," in riding. How I treat my horses is always something I want to improve on. When you're angry, you can't express your anger to your horses without being abusive. When you're sad, your horses are your only comfort, because they can listen and not judge. They can comfort and not have to say anything.
Horses change everyone's lives. They save people, they inspire people to write books and cast roles for movies. They are always one step ahead of us somehow, whether or not we are unique enough to notice it.
They do not strive for perfection, they do not strive to kill themselves to perfect their canter leads. They live in the moment, and people should start to learn from the creatures they call "dumb".
I gotta say, people don't actually look when they see horses. They see something that can transport them, that they can perfect to win the ribbons and the titles. I'm guilty of being drowned in want of being famous, rich and well-known due to success in a riding career. But I've had to look back at how this has affected my life. Am I willing to savage my social life to make it to the top? Am I willing to step over everyone I know to make it? No... I don't think so. I still haven't actually looked at how stepping over people will affect me, yet. I do try to step over some who claim to be better but are inexperienced because let's face it, you don't want to be held back by someone who is all talk and no walk. 
But that has gotten me in trouble too. I still have to learn, and even though I'm one step away from showing everyone that attitude is not something to be shunned upon, but is something to be looked up at, because more and more kids are being told not to have attitude, or flaws, but to be perfect.
So you see, one simple horse ties all of this together, and makes people learn valuable lessons. 
Over and out,
blog later
Love K

Camp Day Day 1

Camp day is here and I am so excited! Ready to jump, go cross country, and practice the elegance of dressage! Wha-hoo! From 9-3  my dreams will be coming true for 3 days! :) Short-lived but still!
Write later
Sincerely Kayla Y.

Event Camp!!!!!

Starting tomorrow, I will be attending a 3 day Event camp where we train to do Dressage, Cross Country, and Show jumping. I will be taking a horse from the farm I ride at, named SM Dream Weaver, a.k.a. Pie (yummy) to this event, instead of my beloved horse I half lease Teak (due to medical issues).
And at the end of this 3 day camp, there will be an actual Event between the campers (all 8 of us) in which we treat this event like an actual real-deal gig.
I got to say, as my last summer before I go to ninth grade and putting my 3 years of homeschooling behind me. Through thick and thin, failures and sucess, I feel like I've seen it all. And now conteplating between two books in which I wish to get published, I think I have a full plate, let alone keeping a blog together. But I seem to be doing a pretty good job.
I'll try to review the Event Camp later this week for you guys, but until then, wish me luck! :)

Lottery !!!

Yeah, I know people think its stupid to think applying to a lottery is dumb, but Publisher's Clearing House is a fun and creative way for people under 18 to have a chance of winning! Besides the constant emails, limited chances of winning and your anxiety over whether or not its a total scam, it's pretty fun! :)
But you know what's NOT fun, all this rain we're having! It's like we're in Forks, Washington, in the scene set in the Twilight! Rainy all the time and honestly, a little depressing. I love riding horses on trail rides but seriously, this rain is making both me and Teak ring sour. I think we are hating this rain and misty weather as much as a cat!
Well, if we're all checking in on my progress, lupus is I guess under control, no more "chipmunk cheeks" and no more hospitals! (Besides check-ups every month!) 
So wish me luck! I kinda am thinking that maybe I'll just stay home, but than who will ride and groom Teak?! ;D
Best wishes from me to you!
Keep dry out there!

My new book!

Attention to all my subscribers!
I will be starting a new novel, a novel in which my writing will come out to its truest form! Although it is not about lupus, it will be a compelling, heart wrenching story, and that is all the information I will give right now! when it is done, I will make sure to tell you if I have found a publisher and whether or not it is to be published! 
Sincerely yours
Kayla Y.

Illness doesn't always mean to be sick..

I once thought I had plenty of friends for the type of attitude I had~ quiet, easily annoyed at times, very open minded and DID speak my mind a lot. Only a handful of close friends I could relish in with their generous behavior and listening skills to balance me out.
The drama started this past summer of 2011, when I met who I believed to be the best kind of girl there was. She shared a love of horses, was quiet and a good listener, funny, laugh-out-loud kind of a person. I already had one of those safely tucked away in my mind, though her trip to a 5 week summer camp for horse lovers had me missing the company and companionship of a good listener. She was/ is younger than me, nearly two years. I took her under my wing, let her into my own depth of knowledge and she in turn became my friend and we found each other amusing. Had sleepovers, rode together, did trail rides together, everything was fine.
Now, more than six months later, my life is being turned upside down by my oldest true listener and the one recruit I captured this past summer. 
Sure, new summer, new year, new chances. But some scars are too deep to be simply covered up. You need to show them, to accept them. These fights I've been having with my listening, caring friends may be simply me but I do not think so. 
I have stress in my life, being blamed for the fights, not seeming to have enough money to buy my friends the birthday presents they desperately want. Despite their lack of friendship lately they have held me out of the deep end as long as possible, and giving them something fulfilling no matter what anyone thinks of me or my actions is something I dearly enjoy. I can't hate them or despise them or wish them to an eternity in hell, because I do not hate, loathe or despise them. I simply do not understand them anymore. What happened to that kind, sweet, listening person I met this past summer? What has happened to her? Had the return of my more close, deeper in history listener affected her, inspired her to become both our friends and than more of her friend than mine? Have I let things slip? Have I not become her mentor almost, someone to look up to. No, I do think I have lost this. She does not look up to me but merely looks straight ahead, never blinking, never moving, never TRUSTING me to do the right thing. Knowing this hurts more than ever...
If you read this blog, I would be dearly happy if you could tell people of my blog and tell them to become a follower. I feel an audience to my blogs would be delightful, something to look forward to. It's not that I don't already appreciate my followers (trust me, I do) but the more the merrier, isn't that the saying?
Wishing you a safe and happy (belated) New Year to all. PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS! Feedback is important for a blogger and inspiring author-to-be, constructive knowledge is always good.

Well really...

Well this life majorly sucks (pardon my language). 
Sure, my medical life is finally getting under control, but now my friend drama and the drama ( i guess) I've created at the stables has reached a boiling point, a simple warning has sent me running from the stable manager/ friend/ instructor/ sorta sister.
I don't even remember doing anything wrong and yet, I did. How frustrating is that!!??!?!? I mean, sure, be mad at me, explain to me, but don't leave me hanging with only a few strands.
The manager (name remains annoymous) says i did something totally rude and didn't listen but from that night I do not remember. Maybe I did but I was so flushed with adrenaline at the situation I forgot it. I know I got in trouble there with her a lot, simple things and major things. She said this was my first and last warning and that next time I could count on not being there for like a week. OK....mind telling me?!?!
Plus, even though my medical status is improving, it does not mean that it is totally better. I am stuck on 5 milligrams of steriods for awhile because my compliments are up!!! I can't believe this! And now this manager drama on top of everything else! How can I go back not knowing who she told about my behavior or who is judging me or who I can trust?!? Will my friends understand or will they turn on me!?! Will I eventually have to move from this stable just like I moved from my old school?!?!?
Anyways, yeah, life is not so good right now emotionally and physically (in my emotion category that is) my medical health still remains a mystery whether or not I will be able to get off steriods any time soon. Lupus and friendship have once again rendered me useless in this case.
So here's to a 2012..full of heartache and the never ending feeling of lonliness....and we are only into our 5th day. Hoorah! :/